More of the same thing every day

Every day at work is the same old monotonous routine - oh dont get me wrong its stressful alright but its the same old stuff - different issues, same old crap.I have a good role, I manage a ton of people though I have a sneaky suspicion I get paid a little less than my male counterparts - but whatever its getting boring.

I need to delegate,organize,stop maintaining a gazillion spreadsheets and do something fun with my life.. Something different, something where I can spend more time at home and with my son - where I am not just a hamster caught in a wheel, running from point A to B, almost always late everywhere..Ideas?

Nursing guilt

Last couple of weeks have been quite chaotic - despite you( A) coughing a bit the last Saturday, I insisted we take you to your mommy and me swimming class at the Y since you enjoy it so much. I did and then by Sunday you were running a fever. I dont know if there's a correlation there or not but still I felt guilty. Just like I felt guilty when I breast fed you for only 4 months and now attribute your falling ill every now and then to the fact that you were not exclusively breast fed even for those 4 months. I beat myself about it almost once a month. What should I say - I was a new mom, and you just wouldnt latch, despite lactation consultants and all of that. I got the hospital grade pump and the milk came in, and you drank it but still wouldnt latch. I didnt know about fenugreek and all those home remedies, still I did my best to pump, pump and pump and could exclusively bf for the first 6-7 weeks but then I had to go to work and pumping became harder and the milk was less. Anyways when I used to hear great BF/ nursing stories, esp in the Indian community, I always feel I dont know a mix of guilt, and sadness and a feeling of being a 'loser', Maybe I should have tried more, been more persistent - dont know.

Anyways, he is fine now, and so am I and we are gearing up for Thanksgiving. Thx to excessive grocery shopping at our local grocery store, I had spent 300+ $ in a month and so got a free holiday ham. I am going to try to cook this first time ever, so that will be an adventure. In other news, A has gotten quite the vocablary, still loves space and planets - infact shows off saying things like I am an astronaut and there's no gravity in space ( probably doesnt know what it means, but hey Steve on Blues Clues said it so he loves it).

He also chose to use the 'S'tupid word a few times at a restaurant in front of competi-parent friends of ours whose daughter is a day younger than our son, and oh so well behaved and so oh angelic, blah blah blah. Anyways after ignoring him a few times and having a discussion that this word is for big people he has dropped it. Well signing off for now.

History and all kinds of awesome

Dormant for a while as life moves along.Today, I have only 3 words to say - Yes we can. I am so happy that Obama won - I am not a citizen but he was my choice, as was he the country's choice. Its historic and awesome, because my toddler who is a citizen grows up to be a part of this historical time.Since the last 2 months he has been going I like Obama more than McCain without even knowing what it means, so it was cute when I put on the TV today and he saw Obama on TV and said yeah, Obama( Ok so I taught him to say that today)

And things keep happening

Well the day after I wrote the Disappointed post, I had taken a vacation day to use some time off. I am driving into the mall, and somehow I feel I am going to encounter cops today. I drive on cruise control at the correct speed limit, and as I pull into the mall, a BMW 5 series, that is fairly new - decides to back into my car. Ofcourse she accepted fault, and my car ( older one) had a few paint scrapes though her bumper was damaged. Still totally dampened my mood, and that evening when my husband started telling me I should have gotten her insurance info etc instead of waiting for the accident report, I lost it and started crying on the playground.Anyways, the weekend passed uneventfully, and then my Mom told me she is going to come but for 3 weeks instead of 4/5. Tuesday before labor day weekend, I go pick up my son and the daycare director informs me your son has a 'rash that looks like chickenpox'. I am taken aback, and say no it must be a bug bite, since he plays a lot in our backyard. Then she lifts his shirt and his stomach and back is covered in tiny red spots. Ofcourse, next day I had to Work from home, had planned to take Thursday and Friday off anyways, and yes it was indeed Breakthrough Varicella that is a variant of chickenpox. 2% of kids do have it despite a vaccination and my son was the chosen one! Anyways it was a mild case but we pretty much sat at home the whole weekend.

Highlight of the weekend was to actually go to BabiesRUs and buy a product called Kaboost so that my son can eat on the dining table with us since he no longer wants to sit on the high chair. Its a wonderful product, stable, and although limegreen is encouraging A to eat on the table himself..Anyways am back in the office and muddling through emails and office politics. More later..

Disappointed

Today has been a weird sort of day.All day I have been feeling queasy and uneasy and attributed it to a 10 am drinking of Diet Coke. Still things have been going bad the whole day - had a day full of meetings, my mom whose trip I have been awaiting since July said she cannot come because she has work things in India. Then I am interviewing for another position in my company and oddly they make you go through the pre-screening and interview routine again. The said HR screener, kept saying you are not qualified why dont you look at these here positions when hello, I am performing the same job currently in another project on the same client. Odd Odd, anyways hopefully she will get back to me tomorrow with some good news. The funniest thing is that one of the executives on the project asked me to apply for the position, else I had not even heard about said position.

Finally, I know its been a bad year and all, but still I just found out they didnt give me any raise despite a good rating, just a piddly bonus. Quite depressing but hey should be glad I have a job huh..Its the first time that I am in a position of earning more than my husband because of a career change he has made. Its odd- earlier I used to work because I wanted to, but sometimes the stress gets to me, and I want to take some time off, but now will it be possible without lifestyle changes?

Totally unrelated and very cute, A is now doing something very funny, this evening when we returned home I kind of sat in the car while he played with the controls, and then suddenly touched my face and said 'You Ok, Mama' - it was so cute and so touching. This is what makes motherhood worthwhile I guess after such a day.

You are 25 ! ( months old)

Dearest baby A, boogoo mouse and other cute petnames,

You turned 25 months old on Aug 4th, 2008.You are getting cuter everyday, if thats even possible. You stay the strangest things - like my fingers are hurting, and want me to kiss the boo-boos to make them better.You talk a lot - sentences lik I am gonna make you a hotdog, I like pasta, mmm, I am gonna make your noodles cold for you to heat etc etc.. You love to play with water still.

On a recent San Diego trip, you had so much fun at the fountains at Balboa Park and inspired by this your Masi gave you a water slide/yard thingy.You now love playing in it on weekends.

You wait for your Baba to come from office so you can water the plants with him, play outside on the swing, jump and bounce.You are watching a lot of gymnastics on TV (thanks Beijing Olympics) and want us to make you jump that way :).. easy for you, bad for our backs!You finally got your canines - it was a painful ordeal coupled with the fact that you also came down with a viral fever around the same time and lost some more weight!

On an continuing to embarass mom note, the other day when I arrived to pick you at your daycare, and bend down, you yelled Panty for all to hear.Thankfully only 2 teachers(the young intern kinds) and another kid were left behind to hear it.We now really need to watch our language in front of you. Your other fav slang is Wow and Whoa(thanx Backyardigans!).

Finally, you sure do love your Elmo,you can sing most parts of 'Nani teri morni(old Indian kids song), and you have a penchant for khatta meetha(sweet and sour) foods and are trying to give us more hugs and kisses and even trying to say I love you Mama once !

Be well, my baby boy(for me you will always be the baby)

Parenting

There are so many parenting books, parenting videos, websites etc, but ultimately it comes down to how you want to parent your kid. Co-sleep or family bed or separate rooms, CIO or other methods, stop bottle at 1 or 2 or 3, potty train when to when, etc etc. More choices than anything else when it comes to parenting.

Yesterday was talking to my manager and he is expecting his first baby - and I liked what he told me, we are ready to be parents and I dont think any book can prepare us for that. It really sounds true. Sometimes I look around and compare my son, what he's wearing, how much he knows, what he is good at , what his embarassing behaviors are, and I feel I need to stop. I mean he is not even two years old. This lil guy will blossom into his own person and I should just stop comparing, listening, and let him be a child and I should be there for him, try to spend good quality time with him and then just hope he turns out ok.

I am tired of comparing home size, baby clothes, baby goodies, material crap - so from now on I am going to be what I believe I am the best parent I think I can be and just let things take their stride.

Yeah.. lets see how long that lasts ( I just heard about a 2.5 yr old who knows all the presidents names ;))