Nursing guilt

Last couple of weeks have been quite chaotic - despite you( A) coughing a bit the last Saturday, I insisted we take you to your mommy and me swimming class at the Y since you enjoy it so much. I did and then by Sunday you were running a fever. I dont know if there's a correlation there or not but still I felt guilty. Just like I felt guilty when I breast fed you for only 4 months and now attribute your falling ill every now and then to the fact that you were not exclusively breast fed even for those 4 months. I beat myself about it almost once a month. What should I say - I was a new mom, and you just wouldnt latch, despite lactation consultants and all of that. I got the hospital grade pump and the milk came in, and you drank it but still wouldnt latch. I didnt know about fenugreek and all those home remedies, still I did my best to pump, pump and pump and could exclusively bf for the first 6-7 weeks but then I had to go to work and pumping became harder and the milk was less. Anyways when I used to hear great BF/ nursing stories, esp in the Indian community, I always feel I dont know a mix of guilt, and sadness and a feeling of being a 'loser', Maybe I should have tried more, been more persistent - dont know.

Anyways, he is fine now, and so am I and we are gearing up for Thanksgiving. Thx to excessive grocery shopping at our local grocery store, I had spent 300+ $ in a month and so got a free holiday ham. I am going to try to cook this first time ever, so that will be an adventure. In other news, A has gotten quite the vocablary, still loves space and planets - infact shows off saying things like I am an astronaut and there's no gravity in space ( probably doesnt know what it means, but hey Steve on Blues Clues said it so he loves it).

He also chose to use the 'S'tupid word a few times at a restaurant in front of competi-parent friends of ours whose daughter is a day younger than our son, and oh so well behaved and so oh angelic, blah blah blah. Anyways after ignoring him a few times and having a discussion that this word is for big people he has dropped it. Well signing off for now.